If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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