We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
