Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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