Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
