Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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