my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
