She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
God, I missed his penis.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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