so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
