Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
