I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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