Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
