Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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