There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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