Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
