where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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