plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
