Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just want nice things and good sex
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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