I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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