Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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