Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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