Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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