If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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