ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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