I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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