At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
