What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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