i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
