Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
