I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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