I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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