Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
