I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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