Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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