I love black thongs
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
