carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
