Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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