I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
