Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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