I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We have started to decorate penises.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
