I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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