About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
