Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
