hotel room ftw
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
