If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
tell me about the fingering
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
