just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
