i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
