i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
