Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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