I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
