She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
