I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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