gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
