lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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