and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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